good doctor bad doctor

On Sunday, I went to get my throat checked out. I’ve had a fear that it was Thrush. My tongue had been white for sometime – but not quite the way Thrush was described. Thrush, to me, meant that I am further along in my diagnosis, then just simply – the beginning stage. I was scared.

The doctor didn’t give a shit.

He didn’t give me a chance to tell him anything. Instead, he simply looked quickly at my throat and then prescribed to me Amoxicillin. A very generic antibacterial medicine. I went home that night and started the medicine and when I woke up the next day, I felt better.

Monday. I felt good.

Tuesday, I woke up and my throat had more white patches. Something I feared would happen. Something I was afraid would happen if I took antibacterial medicine if it were Thrush. I started to panic.

And dragged my roommate to the Gay and Lesbian Center here in Hollywood. I had an appointment at 6:45 pm. I waited all day. Freaked out. panicked. If this is Thrush, it could mean alot of bad things.

I could be further along – I could already have AIDS. My CD4 count could be below 300, as described on various websites. I was told not to read the internet, that I could go crazy doing that. I did so anyways.

And I’m driving myself a bit crazy.

I sat down first with the counselor. She seemed to feel sorry for me. I started to grill her on all the reasons I believed that maybe I was a false positive. I had this throat infection. I test false positive for TB. She suggested that they could do a blood rapid test. I agreed.

It was Positive.

And the doctor told me I had Thrush.

I’m fucking screwed.

This fucking virus hates me. And I hate it.

The new (and good) doctor prescribed to me some medicine called Nystatin that I have to swish in my mouth four times a day – then swallow. It tastes a bit like Cherry Mint (as described on the bottle). And it reminds me a bit of medicine I had as a kid. It’s sort of bittersweet. Emotionally and through taste.

It’s now a day later and I feel a little better. My throat I think is healing. The white patches have almost completely gone away (in just 24 hours) and I think things are looking positive. Fuck that pun.

I’ve always been impressed by my body. I never have gotten sick and the few times I have were always just weird crazy things – like Scarlet Fever and getting Chicken Pox that immobilized me.

I consider myself a healthy guy. I’ve been vegan for two years, my body has improved alot and I’m feeling like I’ll have a pretty sexy one in a few months – as long as I keep up on my protein shakes and weights. I really should join a gym and get some cardio in – but I just don’t want to spend more money. I also hate running or jogging as it fucks up my knees and feels just terrible on my body.

Maybe I’ll change my mind.

I feel better.

I think curing this fucking throat infection (I’m sticking with my Amoxicillin) will sort of feel like a personal victory. Like, “fuck you, HIV. This is my fucking body.”

And I’ll live as long as I fucking want.

Tomorrow, I go and set up my first doctor’s visit, so that I can get my numbers. We shall see what that brings.

I’m crossing my fingers.