two twenty eight

the journal of a positive person

Archive for December 2008

My Newest Numbers

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VL – less than 48 (aka undetectable)

CD4 – 576

Feeling good.

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Written by twotwentyeight

December 27, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Posted in HIV

A Letter to a Reader

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Hello *****,

This is *** *****. I am the author of the Two Twenty Eight blog that you posted on. I just got your comment today and want to say that I am deeply sorry for the news. As you might have read, when I first found out my status, I really freaked out – I mean, I did things that probably didn’t help my case in my sex life – but I always thought – it can’t happen to me. It was horribly and terribly painful. I too take Atripla and for the first two weeks, I woke up and felt like I was really drunk. I take it at night (about 11 p.m.) and for the first few weeks – I made sure I didn’t have anything to eat. I was stupid enough to think I could go to the gym (i had a trainer at the time) and do a heavy weight lifting session… I nearly passed out.

However, I stuck it out – and within 8 weeks, my viral load went from 6 million to 600. So, the medicine works. As I stand now, I am undetectable (less than 48) and have 0 side effects. I eat at all hours of the day and night (I’m really full now) and just took my pill. I”m on the east coast on vacation. I’m not sure your family life or if your family knows you about your sex life or not but my family took it extremely well. Growing up, they seemed to be against the whole idea of being “gay.” My Mom even voted FOR the protection of marriage act here in Florida this year. But, I told both my Mom and Dad and they honestly were just more worried about my health, rather than being disgusted or mad.

I did wait to tell my Mom, afraid that she might for some reason shun me from her life – but when she found out, she took it incredibly well. Nowadays, HIV is a “treatable” disease. You’ll never get rid of it – but it has the potential of being no worse than diabetes (where you have to prick yourself 3 or 4 times a day to check your blood sugar) or a thyroid problem, where you’re taking a pill every day for the rest of your life or any other disease out there. Now, I won’t say it doesn’t hurt like shit because every time you sleep with your partner (who may be negative) there’s the added stress of infecting him, this is happening big time in my relationship now – and may even be the demise of my relationship – but you can’t think that this is THE END.

I again, don’t want to assume anything about you or your family, or what you may have in store for you in the future. But know that the medicines and treatment they have now are working. They work well – and if you don’t do well on one, then there are MANY MANY other options. Life is going to rock, my friend – it may be stressful at times and hopefully you have friends to hold you up in those times but know that this is something that each of us can get through. I promise. I want to promise. And I feel, I can confidently make that promise.

You just have to put forth the effort to live a healthier life. I don’t smoke, I rarely RARELY drink (want to keep a good liver to process all the medicine for the rest of my life), I eat healthy, I lift weights and try to build muscle which in turn builds my immune system, and I keep as much of a stress free life as possible.

When I found out – after, I started taking my medicine, I bought myself a nice flat screen TV… I treated myself with something good. I try to think positive. I believe 90% of your future depends on that. I still eat like crap sometimes, today I had a bunch of shitty Krystal burgers and waffle house while driving home from my grandfather’s house, I don’t have the perfect chiseled body i think i SHOULD have. I got drunk a few weeks ago. But, overall, I try to do my best. I feel if I make things worse, if I stress myself out – my body will weaken. And FUCK anyone and this virus if it will destroy me.

I hate the person who gave me this virus – when I always asked my partners their status… I wish him the worst plague. But, now – what is done is done. And, I can only look forward.

I wish you the best in life, my friend. And know I will always be here to answer any questions, or listen if you need it. I live in Los Angeles if your in town – or ever want to meet for coffee or something.

I hope you have a great New Year’s.

Thank you for reading. It’s just as encouraging knowing that someone is listening as it is to express and listen.

Sincerely,
***

Written by twotwentyeight

December 27, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Posted in HIV