two twenty eight

the journal of a positive person

side effects (atripla)

with one comment

I’ve been on Atripla now for 5 days.  I went to the doctor’s on Monday and based on my numbers decided that I start on medication.  He asked if I wanted to participate in research.  That would have lasted another week before I started.  My selfish inner child said – fuck that, I need my medicine.  I can’t go into research, if I’m feeling so crappy and got 6,209,850 little viruses running around every mL of my blood!

I turned it down.  And felt guilty.

I then went home and took my first pill that night.  In the morning, I woke up and felt dizzy.  Drunk.  Sitting at the office (at work) makes it worse.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to be there or that I’m bored.  I need to be working and watching this television show, but I can’t because instead my DVD player has decided not to work.  I feel a little behind myself.  My brain isn’t functioning at full capacity.  I feel like everything is in battle mode.  My cells and blood is battling the monster inside me.  Reducing numbers, making my body better. My lips feel better.  The thrush in my mouth feels better.

I did get this zit on my eye lid which (thank god) didn’t fully form, but has given me a bit of a headache today.  I never been this – aware of my body.  This attentive to every itch and scratch and sore and ache.  I always knew that our bodies fight constantly various viruses, bacteria, fungi, etc.  Now, it feels like my brain is part of the process.  That I have to actively be a part of that process.

Instead of allowing my immune system to do all the work.

It’s both humiliating and humbling.  Over the past weeks, I’ve seen my body as more and more of a temple.  A breathing, mortal work of art.  It demands my attention and I have to give it everything I can.  I’ve been trying to go to the gym more often and I even had a personal trainer.

On Thursday, when I woke up I felt especially drunk.  I thought I could – power through – my workout.  That was stupid.  I passed out – everything was fine and I ended my session soon.  It’s hard to concentrate.  I keep battling whether or not I should just go in and tell my boss and either quit, or figure some way to work from home.  I know I should just stick it out.  This is a good (and easy) job that I won’t have if I start making a big mess over feeling a bit dizzy.

In theory, I’m supposed to just feel this for the next week or so.  I want my body to fucking get over it.  But I think I again, keep pushing it further than I should.  My eye hurts like hell!

Things are getting better.

Just need to breathe.

In.

And out.

Deep.  Calm.  Breaths.

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Written by twotwentyeight

April 4, 2008 at 10:48 am

Posted in health

Tagged with , , ,

One Response

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  1. Let me first say thank you for your blog. I am on day 3. Drunk and dizzy aint the half of it. While I’ve been in a drunken stuper for days before, at least I could slow my intake and stumble from the bar-lol. But, this Atripla is something else. My side effects include: a dizziness and drunk feeling; night sweats; hot and cold chills (its 80 degrees here); my legs have begun to swell and its painful for me to walk; and I can’t sleep. Well, I don’t know how much the Atripla has to do with me not sleeping, as that’s always been a problem. I am able to go to work and function. Ooh, did I mention I am bipolar? But according to my doctor my depression meds should not affect the effectiveness of my Atripla. However, I am beginning to be concern that I cannot sleep. I typically only have to take my anxiety pills to sleep 3 or 4 times a week. But so far, in order to sleep I have had to get up in the wee hours and take a pill to sleep every night.

    I can’t wait for these side effects to subside.

    Feelyourpain

    May 4, 2010 at 3:24 pm


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