two twenty eight

the journal of a positive person

Posts Tagged ‘reality

Reality Means Reality

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It’s disheartening.  The reality of everyday life.  And when things get stuck in hyper-reality.  It’s hard to remember that things like relationships have feelings.  And there are everyday moments.  People do and don’t get along.  You are still a normal person.  

And you still realize that you can be hurt by someone.  And you push and pull like a rubber band trying to find that right moment.  That right tension of good vs. bad.  And then you realize.  You talk to other people.  Other friends.  And realize, you’re not as awful as you feel.

And then you realize, they feel the same way.  That somehow you’ve become a poison, not just in blood but in personality.  In speech.  You somehow have become someone who is venomous.  And wrong.  Your heart feels heavy.  You feel bad.  And guilty for being – yourself.

And they feel the same way.

You make them feel shitty.  Horrible.  Shitty.  Horrible.  They feel worthless.  How can someone you love be felt so violated.  So used and unwanted.  You’re gifts are showered with undermindedness.  With hidden motive and maliciousness.  You are a bad guy seeping into their happiness.

Even though you are their love.  Their one and only.

You have to cut it loose.  As hard and strong and horrible as it feels.  As much as your heart aches and pains and struggles.  You have to cut it loose.  You have to make yourself feel better – and in the end make them feel better.

And that’s the way of the universe.

And suddenly, reality means reality.  You are just normal.  This is just the regular.  And being positive doesn’t mean anything more than being human.  Or old.  Or young.  Or stupid.  I am.  

 

I am.

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Written by twotwentyeight

July 3, 2008 at 12:45 am

Posted in Relationship

Tagged with , , , ,