two twenty eight

the journal of a positive person

Posts Tagged ‘work

Stress Makes A Comeback

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I took a gig running around the country as a coordinator for this television production.  It’s been long (20 hour days) and highly stressful.  I’ve tried to be cool – but it’s worn on me.  And now, my Thrush is back.  

I had to quit.

I hate being limited.  This production was a totally horrible piece of crap – but it still bothers me that my body can’t handle it.  That I’ve ruined my temple that a week of high stress turns my body sour.  I hate having to be so “aware” of my body.  So, overly cautious about what I eat.  What I do.  How much exercise I’m getting, etc.  Etc.

It’s tiring.

I’m on my 31st hour without sleep, I’ve taking a few quick cat naps, but nothing that’s making me feel good.  My stomach hurts, my throat feels scratchy – and I’m just exhausted.  I’m waiting for a fax to come and I need to search through the 19 vehicles stored in Valet for 5 missing GPS systems. 

They’re going to be lost.

I’m tired.  And cranky – and this isn’t worth it.

Life is too short for sickness.


Written by twotwentyeight

May 4, 2008 at 11:53 am

Posted in health

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side effects (atripla)

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I’ve been on Atripla now for 5 days.  I went to the doctor’s on Monday and based on my numbers decided that I start on medication.  He asked if I wanted to participate in research.  That would have lasted another week before I started.  My selfish inner child said – fuck that, I need my medicine.  I can’t go into research, if I’m feeling so crappy and got 6,209,850 little viruses running around every mL of my blood!

I turned it down.  And felt guilty.

I then went home and took my first pill that night.  In the morning, I woke up and felt dizzy.  Drunk.  Sitting at the office (at work) makes it worse.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to be there or that I’m bored.  I need to be working and watching this television show, but I can’t because instead my DVD player has decided not to work.  I feel a little behind myself.  My brain isn’t functioning at full capacity.  I feel like everything is in battle mode.  My cells and blood is battling the monster inside me.  Reducing numbers, making my body better. My lips feel better.  The thrush in my mouth feels better.

I did get this zit on my eye lid which (thank god) didn’t fully form, but has given me a bit of a headache today.  I never been this – aware of my body.  This attentive to every itch and scratch and sore and ache.  I always knew that our bodies fight constantly various viruses, bacteria, fungi, etc.  Now, it feels like my brain is part of the process.  That I have to actively be a part of that process.

Instead of allowing my immune system to do all the work.

It’s both humiliating and humbling.  Over the past weeks, I’ve seen my body as more and more of a temple.  A breathing, mortal work of art.  It demands my attention and I have to give it everything I can.  I’ve been trying to go to the gym more often and I even had a personal trainer.

On Thursday, when I woke up I felt especially drunk.  I thought I could – power through – my workout.  That was stupid.  I passed out – everything was fine and I ended my session soon.  It’s hard to concentrate.  I keep battling whether or not I should just go in and tell my boss and either quit, or figure some way to work from home.  I know I should just stick it out.  This is a good (and easy) job that I won’t have if I start making a big mess over feeling a bit dizzy.

In theory, I’m supposed to just feel this for the next week or so.  I want my body to fucking get over it.  But I think I again, keep pushing it further than I should.  My eye hurts like hell!

Things are getting better.

Just need to breathe.


And out.

Deep.  Calm.  Breaths.

Written by twotwentyeight

April 4, 2008 at 10:48 am

Posted in health

Tagged with , , ,